1001 Things I Am No Longer Allowed To Do In DND (All editions)...

1. Polymorph into the Tarresque and body slam two six year old children.
2. Lie about the rules of Polymorph.
3. Especially if the DM doesn't check the rules of Polymorph.
4. Play a chaotic neutral rogue.
5. Especially if it is a bronze half dragon rogue....
6. ...with wings.
7. Have a Great Wyrm Silver Dragon with 30 class levels as my familiar.

Marshall wrote:

4. Play a chaotic neutral rogue.

;~;

Amanda wrote:

Marshall wrote:

4. Play a chaotic neutral rogue.

;~;

Hehe, sad, I know.
You should list some things too.
Such as.

8. "I'm old!" is not a valid character response to every question. Just most of them.

9. Play a gnome druid (because apparently they are not good enough to exsist)

10. seduce dark overlords in retaliation for having to play a female character.

11. Role an "ah-ha" moment check
12. Succeed in said check

13. have a supreme overlord with a queen whom owns the title of spirit princess...
14. eelf nuf said

15. Add the half iron-golem template to any creature.
16. Cast the spell Awaken on a lobster.
17. ...or anything, for that matter.
18. Play a non-lawful monk, and keep my monk abilities.
19. Steal characters from anime series.
20. Steal characters from books.
21. ....same, from movies.
22. ...T.V. Shows.
23. Magazines.
24. Comic books.
25. Ah, screw it. No stealing characters.
26. ....unless no one knows who he/she is.
27. Metagame.
28. Cast the spell Entangling Roots.
29. Expect to live very long if the DM is Shane.
30. Expect to live if I'm fighting two tanks.
31. ...and eight creatures with a strength in the two-hundreds.
32. ...especially if when they hit, they break their own arms.
33. ...and people like to radio yo mama jokes. and get us shot.

Wow marshall, I don't think anyone can follow that last post, that made have an idea, let's get Shane on the forum.

34. Play as the Pun-Pun, the mighty Kobold God... ::sniffle::
35. Be a Gatling Chain Gun Tripper Fighter
36. Be a Dungeon Crusher!
37. Be a Gray Guard, AND SMITE YOU ALL!
38. Be a Chaos Monk, nuff said.
39. Be killed by an alley cat if I rolled badly

40. chop off a giants penis and kill him in the process

41) May not "accidently" stab the party cleric and steal his things.
42) May not kill the other pc, regardless that you hate the demonspawning son of a bit**
43) May not target one players PC's constantly
44) May not make a new charecter for every individual challenge/session.
45) If the town is under attack by giant creatures that are multiplying, do NOT stay.
46) May not use familairs as ammo.
47) Do not try to blend in with a crowd of 5 well-known bladelings.
48. Do not attempt to steal from said bladelings by tossing a pearl behind them.
49) Do *NOT* sell the orb of red dragons
50) Do *NOT* i repeat *NOT* try to steal the orb back
51) *NEVER* i mean *NEVER* trust an old lady (they all pack heat)
52) Never turn your back on the party rogue for even 2 seconds.
53) Never steal from said rogue
54) Never attack said rogue
55) Tell the other other players what the DM is doing/planning.
56) Never taunt the DM (this one is self-inflicted)
57) Never have half-celesials, half-fiends, (good and evil) half-dragons, good paladins, and rogue in the same party
(have you seen your rogue lately? If not, run)
58. Never leave any items with a worth of 2 silver or more in the players watch. They WILL find ways to get away with it.
59) Never underestimate the kobold
60) Never taunt said kobold
61) Never ask the DM why he/she keeps showing up in the same coluseum
62) Never try to escape with your life in said coluseum
63) Never taunt the monolouging announcer
64) Never drink flaming beer
65) When calculating treasure *DO* include objects that the book says not to for reasons of weight, etc. (this happened to me as they stole the throne that was carved into the stone wall with a soften earth and stone spell and a dc of 36 on strength)
66) The following Scenario:
DM: Ryan, roll a spot check
Ryan: 5 plus 8 is 13
DM: Oh, ok...
Ryan: "who's seen the rogue?"
67) May not have more charecters than the DM has NPCs
68. May not council other players on how to improve their PC's
69) May not draw from a deck of many things unless I have a death wish

The following were some of Marshal's old responses on a similair thread:
70) Do not hide shiny items that are worth something from the rogue...he just may 'dissapear' for a few moments.....and then you won't have said object.
71) Do not anger the level 14 rogue.
72) Do not write in human....'wastes'...in the nice clean town, with all of the guards that have slightly sensitive noses.

and back to mine:

73) May not spend 1/2 or more of my starting money on scrolls
74) The answer to why I buy so many longstrider scrolls is not:
"Ever hear the phrase 'you dont have to outrun the monster, just the slowest party member?'
75) If the DM makes a roll I may not stop moving and cast protective spells on myself, even if i know the DM is not bluffing.
76) May not play a kobald
77) May not be a dragonborn with both dragon breath and wings
78. May not be dragonborn period.
79) May not play a dragon
80) May not have a dragon cohort/familiar/fiendish servant/special mount
81) May not choose feats from races of the dragon or the draconomicon
82) May not choose spells from abovesaid sources.
83) Screw it, if it has draconic heritage it doesn't exist.
84) If i ever obtain a races of the wild book I am to burn it without reading it
85) May not spend more than 10 minutes a day re-reading sourcebooks for new data/loopholes (broken this rule many-a-time)
86) No, the rogue is definately *not* my friend
87) May not challenge another player to duel and give him a handicap because you are the "powergamer"
88) Especially when said player whips out a charecter 6 levels higher than you, with stats higher than you, and a level adjustment of +4
89. Especially if said player owns a legendary weapon
90) May not own a quaal's feather token: whip.

These rules were crafted for my players, but they work equally well in this thread:

91) Do not kill the DMs NPCs if he takes the time to describe them to you; doing so will get you killed.
92) Do not blackmail the mayor, even small town have their thorns
93) This goes double if you know there is an epic or near-epic npc in town
94) Do not assume that everyone is a level one commoner and will die at the first slice of your sword
95) Not all guards are level 3 warriors with weak stats, and i am not to assume so
96) Yes, the magic shop IS guarded
97) Repeat after me: "The DM is always right, The Dm is always right."
98) Repeat after me: "It is NOT just a game."
99. I may not assume the DM has run out of tricks.
100) The evil cleric of vecna and his perverted "wishing well" do not always have to give good treasure. (this one's an inside joke)
101) I May not try to explore the cave just so the dm will be force to turn the map over.
102) *sigh* mass murder is *cough* not *cough* wrong.
103) No, I do not have 28 ranks in spot.
104) May not say "You know you want to..." to the dm.
105) Just because the DM likes dragons does not mean they appear for no reason
106) May not ask DM what said reason is
107) May not steal the first "shiny" i see on my into town
108) Urinating, pooping, or otherwise causing an inapropriate disruption during combat or in town is not ok; doing so will result in a DM-given heart attack
109. Immune: disease does not counter said heart attack
110) I dont care what your fortitude save is, the heart attack kills you.
111) NO, the druid can NOT give you CPR.
112) NO, THE CLERIC WILL NOT CAST RAISE DEAD ON YOU.
113) nor ressurection
114) Nor miracle
115) Nor wish
116) No, you did not cast Clone.
117) No, your fly speed is not 500ft. with manuverablilty good

There we go. I think that's enough reasons to start off with :lol!:

Edit: I lied, here are two of Marshal's that are great; Justin should get a kick out of these:

118. Do not touch the purple stones..
119) If carrying a set of opposite sex clothing, please, by all means, grab the purple stones.....(Ryan, remember Anastasio?)

Ryan, you copy-paster.
That's cheating.

lol at rule 118

Justin wrote:

lol at rule 118

Damn you and your sex-changing, Justin.

120. Have an all powerful grandmother be the main story driver

Justin wrote:

120. Have an all powerful grandmother be the main story driver

You AND Todd did that.

121. No, you may not have a "GDer's Guide to Forum Posting".

122. design a world with a huge chunk of land designated for the tarresque

123. Design a world made for Soarwhales.

124. mass heal a soar whale

125. Use a whistle of soarwhale calling.

126. get a rudder on a boat with a whisk enchantment
127. fight a zombie kraken
128. turn a party member into a supreme zombie overlord
129. kill the polmeraian

129. (Fix) Kill the Pomeranian.

130. the dungeon master is always right, NEVER correct him
131. gravity is also known as gravy

132. Do not make human sacrifices to open a door without checking to see if you can push the door open first.